why this post

In this blog i will try my best to open up all my doubts, temptations and weaknesses. Why? i dont know i have been thinking about it for a long time.

so far i dont have any illusion about the kind of person i am. but its not the same with others. some think i am good, some dont. both are extreme, people who know my thoughts and interest alone know me as good but slightly arrogant, some who work with me think i am rude, some think i am good leader and some dont.

some who think i a very good person even if i share my weaknesses.
which one is true, well there is bit of truth in everything.

in order to safeguard the privacy i will share any names or info about the others.

worst month

this is the worst month ever, i have been hearing series of allegations which is difficult to digest. feeling betrayed, dont know what to do.

May be should consult with the management and take a decision.

may be i should just leave everything.

Anger

this day was one of the worst days in the last few year, i dont remember loosing myself in anger in long time. i just lost it.

as penance i have resigned and decided not to go to office. but my management wanted to continue.

i think i will not go to office as punishment.
i promised my staff her freedom from me

all by yourself

what can one do if you think some one who is working under you doesnt listen to your words at all even after trying to make them understand. and if that person was someone you had very good relationship and trusted.
is it misused or i am over reacting.

it is painfull

My early life

i loved my grandmother a lot perhaps only one ever. i cant say she raised me physically but i looked up to her for she was a very good person. she could love any one unconditionally.
My parents/who took care of me: Well i wont talk about it as it may hurt. but i can say i was not a very happy child, never had good relationship with them, like many of them i guess. but the key thing is i dont hate them i am indifferent to them as our lives are too different.

even today after so many years i feel it. i left home early i was not in touch them for more than 8 yres, and we had a mutual agreement that we will not talk about each-other and mention that we have any relationships at all.

things are different now, they accept the way i am, but i am not.